Saturday, September 07, 2013

Remember



When I am gone what will they remember?
Will they remember it all?
The skeletons I have in the closet?
The bodies I’ve buried in the basement?
The stars I’ve shot into the sky?
The birds I’ve taught to fly?
Will they remember the stories I’ve told?
The stupid things I’ve done in my quest to grow old?
The smile on my face as I danced in the rain?
The tears that I shed in moments of pain?
Will they remember the lessons I’ve taught and the battles I‘ve fought?
The wars I have won and that peace left unsung?
Will they remember it all?
Or will they remember nothing at all?

Monday, September 02, 2013

forgetting...



I woke an hour early today, the dream of my old mentor dying made it impossible for me to go back to sleep. I was ashamed at myself for forgetting he was still alive in the first place. I was then filled with the sad truth that in time with absence I would forget everyone and everything. It had only been 6 months and I had forgotten all about the most inspiring person I had ever met. It annoys me that I am still haunted by bad memories from years ago but the good slip through my grasp. It’s like trying to hold onto water, even the wetness of your hands quickly dries up and you are left with nothing.
I got up, went to my wardrobe and pulled out a shirt. It was a collared white t-shirt, I had been looking for it for a year and it was never in there, but now here it was right in plain sight. I noticed it was dirty, the cuffs had marks and there was a strange stain on the front. I have no idea how it had gotten put away in such a state, my dirty clothes always make the basket or failing that, the floor. I couldn’t work it out. I put it on over another shirt and some slacks and I walked outside to watch the sunrise.
It was cold, my jacket was inside, I don’t know why I didn’t put it on, I don’t know why I had gone out in the cold to see the sun. Perhaps it was because I am rarely up that early, perhaps it was because I had not seen the sun in days and I wanted to feel the warmth of it on my skin or perhaps it was because I thought that standing in its light would help me to hold onto the memories of happier times.
I moved my herb garden into the sun and went inside to make some breakfast. As I watched the jug boil I wondered if it were possible to forget everything, if I isolated myself long enough would it all be gone? Could I even forget myself, my name. I’ve already forgotten my age, my sister reminded me of that the other day on the phone. It wasn’t that I cared, but I found it strange that I couldn't remember.
Sometimes I forget to eat, forget to sleep, forget where I am, forget who I am. I wish I could forget about the things that come out of the darkness and scar, but I am still haunted by those, perhaps I always will be. When all else is forgotten I will be consumed by that which resides in the dark.
I want to know why sadness clings longer than happiness. If I forget someone is alive is that worse than forgetting someone is dead? I want to know why others are dead and I am still alive, is there a reason?