My 5 cents Worth

It had to be around 6am, I was in McDonald's... No, it must have been later, I'd already had my breakfast gone for a walk and come back. I'd been awake all night and all I wanted was a warm cup of tea. I'd waited hours for the shops to open and sell me one.

She was a foreigner, either Russian or Chezh, but I wasn't going to hold that against her. She seemed overly rude, but perhaps that was just a custom of her people. There were a total of three people in the store, multi-tasking must not be one of her specialties because she could serve the other two at the same time and yet felt the need to ignore me. I waited patiently. When it got to my turn I placed my order, she replied, 'What chin?' Now this was obviously not the response I was expecting, so I made her repeat herself, yes I'd heard it right. I didn't try to understand, I just said English breakfast. She entered the details in her little register and said $2.95, I handed her $4 and she put a dollar change on the counter. I picked it up and I looked for my five cents, not there. I asked, 'where is my 5 cents?' She looked at me blankly and in a gruff voice said, 'no change.' We were in a McDonald's Cafe, there were other registers.

Now surely she could have said beforehand, 'I don't have the five cents,' or how about, 'Do you happen to have the five cents on you I'm all out.' The right thing to do would be to give me ten cents instead, but no, she tried to pocket my five cents like a thief. Now money has very little value to me and I wouldn't have cared letting her keep it except that she expected to keep it.

I looked at her with what I like to imagine is a look of give me my money or I'll cut your head off and shit down your neck expression, and said, 'I want my five cents.' She did not loose her charming personality, but she did ask me to sit down and drink my tea and she would bring it out to me. I expected her to slam it on the table, but I guess she valued her job too much to make such a public scene.

With some things in life, it really is only about principle.

As it happens she was from Brazil(not relevent really, but true.)

damn it, my limbs still hurt, but at least I'm getting back to sleeping at regular hours. In hind sight probably a stupid thing to do, but it was interesting.

Drugs

It's amazing. Some nights I can down 20 panadol to stop the pain and I'll be fine, no effect what so ever.

And other nights I can take 2 panadine forte and be off my face.

So it was last night. My head was throbbing like a pounding drum, I tried to ignore it, but there was no way I could sleep with it like that. We were out of my preferred drug of choice so I took what I found. Certainly ecstasy and weightlessness feels fantastic, but I would gladly give it all up to escape the hell I suffered when I awoke.

I was blind, I couldn't see a thing. I had to make lunch for my father, I worked quick but don't ask me what I fed him all I know is he didn't complain. My neck spasmed and the room was spinning. I could feel it coming, it felt like I was about to collapse, but I never collapse so it could only be one other thing; projectile vomit. I ran to my bed, hit the fan and lay there in the dark. It stopped anything from happening, if you are going to take drugs I recommend you know how to halt the effects of them.

Last nights events have not changed my view of drugs in any way, I still hate them, but it would be much nicer if I could live without them.

Freedom

Rest easy head
Breath softly sleep
Lay me down
Beneath the sheet

Cast off my sorrow
Take hold my hand
Deliver me
Unto Neverland

Heavily hung
Those lidded stones
Wet glass raining
All alone

Heart beat slow
Too slow to tell
Leave me lie
Where I have fell

shall we speak
upon The morrow’s break
So weak now
This life I take

No touch of breath
No light of day
The end is freedom
So fade away

Sleep, sweet sleep. Where hast thou gone?

Sleep, sweet sleep. Where hast thou gone?

The clock ticketh; one, two, three. I watch the hours pass, mine eyes hang heavy and weary and yet sweet sleep does not come to me.

Has it abandoned me?

I sit throughout the night, viewing anything I can get my hands on. Lately I've found myself sitting on an easy chair at four in the morning playing the violin and watching old black and white Sherlock Holmes films.

I try to sneak some sleep in as dawn approaches but sleep is denied once more, as the phones start ringing, as they stampede on the door bell and I know my chance is gone.

I've not written anything lately. My sleep is gone, and slowly my mind doth follow.