What MICF means to me

To me The Melbourne International Comedy Festival is a life affirming experience. I come down here every year with hopes and fears and expectations and I walk away knowing that everything is just perfect.

I learn that it doesn't matter what you want to happen, what shows you see, how many shows you see, who you shag, who you don't shag, who gets the barry, who gets passed over, who gets the worst review, who gets cancelled halfway through, it doesn't matter how your show goes, it doesn't even matter if you make a complete arse of yourself. None of that really matters to me.

What matters is the experience. Seeing friends you haven't seen in years, making new friends you'll keep for a lifetime, watching them do something they love, them watching me do something I love, smoking in the peter cook, dancing without a thought for who might be watching you and saying you suck at it, making memories that may well last a life time, and for me, finding that sense of freedom to do what I want without fear of reproach, feeling free.

Everytime I come here I learn what it is to be me, I may be nothing special, but it feels great to be me. Every year I go away and forget who I am, so I have to come back, and every year I wonder do I really want to go back to melbourne and my producer tells me I must, so I do it begrudgingly and everytime it's the most wonderful experience in the world. I have seen some of the wierdest things down here, some of the most amazing things and some of those things I've been a part of. The friends I have made here I wont see or talk to for a year or two, but I know that when I see them again, after all that time, it will be just like only a day has passed. It's as if time has stood still, like the festival does go on forever, we just have little in between stuff we refer to as lives.

When I first came to MICF in 2002, it never went long enough, I wanted it to go on forever, over the years that feeling has wained, the festival is just the right length, by the end we all need sleep and our livers need rebuilding. And when you come back, it's like you've never left, everyone remembers you, everyone loves you for who you are. And it's also long enough for me to learn what it is I need to learn.

Which is; to be happy, to be free, to be me.

A year missing.

Was talking to mick on the balcony at some point last night, we were trying to work out what year something happened, I thought it was last year, mick thought it was the year before. Mick was right of course, he had to be, because on closer inspection of my memory I have discovered that I have no memory of last years comfest, I blocked it out.
I think I subconciously did it to protect myself. Comfest is a magical place, where time almost stands still, the rest of the world doesn't exist while its on, well thats how it feels anyway. Last year someone very dear to me died during festival, and I think some of the magic that surrounds this place died with her. I remember the night she died but nothing else of the festival, but I wonder if my mind is trying to protect me, why leave me the memory of that night, why leave me with the pain and wipe out all the good stuff. Why do I only ever remember the bad things?

Irony

bought new shoes on fridAY, friend said, strap your feet up to save them injury. did that. pulled off the strapping yesterday. feet are bruised from strapping and are slightly purple. fucking figures, next time, no adversions. hurts to walk. want to overcome this before festival end. question: will ask on facebook not enough people to judge me wrong here.

UPDATE FROM FB

I realized this morning, I'm starting to care about other peoples opnions again, this sucks, it takes away the freedom I once had to do what ever the fuck I wanted. And worse, if this continues I may have to give up drinking in order to stop doing stupid things. I'll probably still do them anyway though.
Sorted things out with my phil, he's going to stay in QLd

Saw Fiona O'loughlin's show tonight, I don't think she could impress me anymore than she did tonight, it was absolutly, fantastically awesome. The lady is a legend, I would say go see her, but it was her last show this festival, so for those who didn't see, you poor, poor fools. You'll never know what a legend she is.
News Today: Drunk priest punches mourner at funeral.... fuck love this world
Saw the debate, chatted with fiona after, she really is brilliant, chatted with milly too, shes very nice. hung in the pc for ages, at one point lost blood flow to arms cause of shirt, went to hifi, stayed to lights up. Good night.
Rocked out to Frank sinatra's 'have yourself a merry little christmas' at the hifi. And apparently it's considered sad that i know the gummi bears theme song WORD FOR WORD! mI'm proud anyway :P
mmmmmEAT!!!
News Today: 'Children find body on Easter egg hunt'... Let me guess, body of christ?
I think my stomach is about to explode, the dairy at the end was possibly too much, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world, I can't remember the last time I ate soo much or so well. I wont need to eat for a month.
saw elbowskin, got drunk in bar. I miss my phil. Good night, I really need sleep.
didnt think I drank that much last night, but th9is morning's hangover says otherwise. Maybe it was the money drink that fucked me. Either way, can't really remember much of last night, so my appoligies to anyone I may have offended or bored to death.
news today: Two women have been arrested at a British airport after they reportedly put their dead relative in a wheelchair, stuck some sunglasses on him and tried to smuggle his corpse onto a flight.... Where were they going?
hey, I'm still Alive, and I actually ate a half decent meal today. Today was my trades day, saw damian clark and geraldine quinn, both outstandingly brilliant shows, I highly recommend them. Then to PC to meet Anne narrowly avoiding cameras, thank fuck. kicked out at close, hified till about 2
News today: One of Europe's biggest discount airlines, Ryanair, will charge passengers to use on-board toilets.... As if the airlines wern't ripping us off enough, prices are so high these days you'd shit yourself, and now your gonna have to unless you want to pay more.
4 more shows, Kelly Wilkinson is Immortal, 7pm thursdays and fridays. Bond lounge on bond st, runs off flinders lane near queen st. Do come watch me make an ass of myself.
Spose I should go fucking flyering, I hate forcing myself upon random strangers in the street, few things are beneath me, but I feel this is one of those things.
is sooo fucked right now... and I didn't drink that much, fuck I'm getting old. Saw myself, I look okay, saw Nik Coppin, show was fucking awsome, though the venue was somewhat creepy, went to pc, didn't need to go to hifi, but went. watched the comics then bed for me, big night tomorrow, with the spandex show, I gotta ...be wide awake for that one... why am I so fucked???
all I can say is SHINEY SHOES
news today: A seven-year-old Russian boy who was adopted by an American woman has been sent home on his own with a note saying he was no longer wanted... thank god I wasn't adopted, cause I know my parents have been trempted.
went to my show last night, then pc then Hifi, Gerry is brilliant, it was like old scardies days of superband, wondering wtf happened to adam. Got quite drunk, not hungover yet, must still be drunk, hung out with the PC boys and got home before dawn.
News Today: A bumbling bandit who raided a Melbourne seven-eleven got more than he bargained for.The attendant locked the assailant inside the store whilst on the phone to the police.... next time load the gun fucker and you'll be able to shoot through the glass doors.
okay, went to the gnw's they were good, but considering last night, fucking tiring. went to what the dickens for dinner. PC'd it, went to hifi, saw all but the last two acts, the bar got noisey and they wouldn't let us down stairs, shame, I'd like to have heard phil nichol's set and the guy before him seemed good, but ...witrhout sound I'm stuffed. got home bout 5am, good night!
I am going to sleep now. the boyfirend is driving me nuts, how can he miss me soo much, if its like this now, whats edinbrough going to be like, too much commitment, its not right... Sleep will help I cant think now.
eating something that resembles meat, but it came from a can so who knows. I wish I could sleep with my eyes wide open, that way I wouldn't see what I see when I close them.
News Today: Dead family seemed happy, say relatives... What does a happy dead family look like?
just got skype. add me if you like I'm listed as kelly.leigh.wilkinson