Did your parents want you?
Did they love you from the start?
Mine didn't.
When I was about 5 my mother forgot to feed me, now it may have been due to her mental illness, but rumors of my accidental birth started to reach me at that point. I beat three forms of birth control and a vasectomy by a few days. My father missed the birth he was out having a good time, the doctor missed the birth, and I've often wondered if my mother didn't need to be there would she have shown up at all? Many was the time she forgot to pick me up, she's always forgotten my name but I'm quite used to 'thing-it-you'. I know she loves me, she just didn't want me. It took them three weeks to name me, you'd think with all that time they could have come up with something original, but no. I remind her of my birthday now, she's forgotten it a few times. My father I don't tell, I hardly see him, I practically dropped out of my life when I was eleven or so. I don't mind being an accident, they kept me so they must have loved me once, right?
No wonder I focus on logic and manipulation, emotions are beyond my reach.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Some folks claim that "everything happens for a reason." I've never believed that. Others will tell you that, "we choose our parents." More platitudes and greeting card-speak. Life happens and we either survive or we die trying ... just like the rest of the animals. The great evolutionary joke on humanity is, however, that we are AWARE - constantly, painfully - of how the universe is screwing with us.
Get a therapist. You seem like a sweet, articulate and sensitive fellow, and you need to find a way to let go of your anger and your
guilt (yes, guilt).
I think I've had enough therapy to last me a life time, besides, I've studied psychology it's cheaper and it's really quite suprising all the thing psychologists don't tell you in order to keep you comming back. I know my mother loves me, and that's all that matters right.
Love yourself. It lasts longer, and your skin will clear right up ...
Post a Comment