I like to watch

I have become a watcher, choosing to view people from afar, rather than to converse with them. I did not set out this way, but alas, it is now the way I am. I do not know when it began, perhaps it came from my childhood, fishing with my father, spending "Quality" time together, wherein I would either sleep, eat or watch the land through his binoculars, anything but fish. I carry binoculars with me now, almost anywhere I go, they're permanently packed and waiting by the door. I observe humans sub-consciously now, everywhere I amble. The beach is the most revealing, where they come in swarms and you can observe them quite freely. It is the mating habit of the human that fascinates me most of all,1 for even from a distance, I see them for what they are, their indifferences, their imperfections, their vulgarities, and yet they give themselves to each other so openly and so freely, without any concerns for the diseases they might be acquiring. Humans are beautiful creatures, even from a distance their majesty can be seen; unfortunately their good points never seem to outweigh the bad. I've often pondered why I watch, and I think I now know the answer, or a few of them anyway. If I go down and join them, I know there will be those above, looking down at me, judging me, evaluating my life's purpose.2 this however, seems rather insignificant when I look upon the other reason. Perhaps I am afraid, afraid to leave the sanctuary that is my isolation, afraid to stand beside these creatures only to have them knock me to my knees. Occasionally I'll go down and converse with these people, but never long enough to become emotionally attached. I don't mind watching, it fits in quite well with painting. I'm not the only watcher, I've seen others, on the odd occasion we might swap words, but like me, they'd rather watch then speak. I wonder do any of them feel the way I do? Do they question their lives or are they content to not know the answers. So I sit, I wait and I watch, remembering with a smile, the quote from the old Irish beer commercials, "I like to watch," I loved that commercial.

1. Contrary to popular belief, I do not watch the mating habits of other people.
2. I have none.