With Eyes Wide Open

What is it like to go away, to leave it all behind? I used to ponder what it would be like to run away, to escape the past; in fact, I've done it several times. And now I'm running again, but for once in my life, I'm not running away from my past, I'm running toward my future. I'm looking at my life, not at life itself and although I've always said that you have to make a great impact to change the world, I now realize that the smallest detail can make the greatest impact. We each, in our own lives, touch the lives of those around us, it may only be the smallest instance, but it can make the world of a difference. Why do we worry about the little things, why do we worry at all? A great man once said "Can't we all just get along," I wonder, was anyone listening? I see the news, I read the papers, I know of the wars and the bombings. How can anyone justify death by taking more lives? I strive to believe that I am above that; I wish the world did too. I've heard great men site fanatically wonderful statements and I've heard foolish men talking beside them, duping us into believing that they are just as great. Some say that the time for talking is over, and words are merely that, sprouting garbage and achieving little. Now I don't know the right words, but I do know what lies in the hearts of people, once you dispense with words, violence always follows suit, must we waste our lives, our children's lives staring down the barrel of a gun? Would you send your only child out to die? If only we could learn from the mistakes of others rather than suffer these grave injustices ourselves. A lot of people read my words in the hope of being inspired, if only I could change the world as easily as it is to change their hearts. I've often wondered what man would be so foolish as to lead us to war, now I know, and of all the reasons, it comes down to peer pressure, the need to be accepted by those in a higher position. I question then, do schoolyard rules still apply, what happens if your brother is bigger than mine? If only it were that simple, then perhaps innocent lives would not be lost. Look at the enemy, what do you know about them, why do they hate us so? We don't even know each other well enough to hate each other. Yes you may be hurting, but you are not alone in that, would you sacrifice even more for something you know nothing about. I wish I could write something that would have a deep enough impact, that would open the eyes of the world and free our minds to the great level of ingeniousness that is in every single one of us, forget infinite justice, what we need is infinite peace. How many more must die before we realize our mistakes? If you are unhappy, it is because something is wrong, fix the problem, don't make it worse. We can only ever be as different as we make ourselves, what would you rather say, "I killed a man today" or "I saved a mans life today" saving someone else brings one of the greatest feelings you could ever have, because you know that man will remember you and thank you for the rest of his life, you've made a difference. Killing someone also makes a difference, when you kill someone, you loose a part of yourself and that is irretrievable. I'm sorry I've rambled on, this wasn't meant to be political, it was meant to be about growing up and understanding the value of life, in a way, it still is for me, but when you finish reading this, will you be any different? I am just like you, human, my blood is red, I breath air and I want a peaceful freedom just like you. Now after all that I have written, after all that we have shared, has it ever occurred to you that I may be your enemy? You don't know. Our only enemy is our hatred for each other, it's not political, it's not religious, it's just different people with different ideas and they all think they are right. I love my country, but I am not a patriot, I hate wars, but I will fight for what I believe in, I may not know you, I may not know your way of thinking, but one thing I do know is that we only have a short time on this earth, we shouldn't waste it by ending the lives of others. When was the last time you made someone else happy? Just a simple smile could mean the world to others. It's like I always say "it's the little things that make the world a better place" and who knows, maybe your life will become bearable once more.

Left Alone in a Right-Handed World

I live in a backward lifestyle; it's hard to move forward when almost everyone is going the other way. Everything started as a challenge for my kind, what came easy to most, we had to strive to achieve. In my youth I was ridiculed for my actions, and everyone felt the need to tell me what I was and still do, just in case I'd made it this far in the world without ever having been told before. The world is slowly evolving to see us as the masters, we; the creative artists, we; the inventive thinkers, but its not fast enough for me. I am locked in the eternal battle with the can opener, I'm torn asunder with scissors and I'm at loose ends with every other right-handed contraption. For years we have had to force ourselves to use these backward devices, the alternative being to go without that which is rightfully ours. In my country, Ole British rule has kept us driving on the left-hand side of the road, so consequently here I can use a stick shift with my left hand, as well as a column shift, but it still means that whilst driving, I'm forced to smoke with my right hand and I drive automatic at present so who gives a rats about gears. That which you take for granted has infuriated me for years, pens that you twist to make them work, they twist back to nothing when I use them, I hate calligraphy pens as well, ink on the underside of my hand, smudging on the page, the ring binders and seams are always on the left side, right-handed chainsaws, edgers, baseball mitts, keyboards and mouse, etc. Don't get me wrong people, I don't hate what I am, I love being left handed, I just think that it's time the world came round to my way of thinking...
Because there's no point being insane if you can't force it upon others!

Children's 'Quality' Viewing

Allow me to introduce you to the modern day menace plaguing our society, a fiend so devious; you don't even know it's there. There is no creature more despicable, more odious than it, there is no scheme it wont concoct, no depravity it wont commit, it has no distinctive gender, no legs, no voice, and is known only as Brum. You may laugh now, but hear me out and I think you will find my points well justified. Have you ever sat down to watch this tripe? I accidentally sat down the other day to watch some decent programming, but instead I found Brum. Brum is a car so small that only a child could fit into it and yet it has the power to pull a 20ft boat that is going full throttle in the other direction, and don't even ask how the hell a car can be in the water, let alone on a surfboard and not sink, because it's just not possible, now I've heard of miracles, but even Ripley wouldn't buy that one. Brum must live in the centre of a crime wave, everyday he seems to be saving someone, or freeing the world from total damnation, and if that isn't enough, have you noticed how idiotic his adversaries are? I've met babies with higher IQ's. These so-called 'bad guys' are so incompetent, it's amazing they've managed to learn how to walk, let alone break the law. I can only assume this show is filmed in a place where intellect is hard to find. Only one thing can be deduced from this; the criminals are in actual fact, Brum's henchmen, making brum the master criminal. This minute sized menace can reach massive speed limits and has never, to anyone's knowledge, had to stop for fuel. Through all these things, this evil genius still manages to hold the gullible public in the palm of his hand… err or glove box as the case may be. Brum the malevolent has mislead us all, but it's not too late, we must take action now to rid this pint sized pest from our screens, we must unmask this vile villain for what it is, a terror to us all. Even as I type this, I know that Brum may be lurking around any corner trying to stop me from revealing this devastating news to the public, but I believe that the people have a right to know, and so help me, I am willing to give my life to make sure that the ***gun shot fired***…

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city girl with a small town heart Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

What City Do You Belong In?

I would love to see rome.

The World

Someone once told me that a poet takes something beautiful and describes it, thereby taking away the very thing that makes it beautiful. I stopped writing poetry after that, my publisher kept calling, but nothing got sent. I appreciate beauty now, more so than ever before, but when I put pen to paper I feel I am betraying all that is beautiful. I know I could never fully capture a description of anything beautiful, so anything I write could not do justice. If I can't write something great, what is the point of writing at all? People, the smallest people can achieve the greatest things, but I am just not one of them. How does one go on knowing they will never be good enough? You have to please yourself before you can please anyone else or there's no point. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied with anything, perhaps I'm not meant to be. I want my words to come straight from the heart, to be pure, but nothing is pure anymore not even water. I feel the world expand before me and I keep getting smaller. What's it all mean? I look through my windows every day and see a world I will never know, I wonder if people look at me with those same thoughts. We all have many faults, each day I think I acquire a new one. Now I know my main fault and there's really nothing I can do about it. I have too many dreams and only one life to live.
I want the world.

The Irony of it all

My main light bulb blew today. I remember changing it before, hell, I had to replace the whole fitting last time, the damn thing just fell off the ceiling. I don't think I get enough use out of them, I really must record how long they last one day. I changed it, didn't have much choice I'm not a big fan of the dark. It's so bright in there now that I've moved most of my belongings to another room. The irony.

I was asked what my user name means so I'll explain it in here for future reference.
I made it up using shadow of a doubt. Jokes are good, but a shadow of a joke is like a joke without the punchline, you know a joke should be there, but all you get is it's shadow - Another term for disapointment I suppose.

I went to a pool party today. It rained... Figures. I love pizza, but with all these social gatherings I'm expected to go to it's becoming a bit much. I'm expected to host the next one. I don't consider myself a sociable person, sure I put out a good feed and I make everyone comfortable and laugh, but I need time alone to be me, they don't understand that.
Damn Ed Gein painting is still drying, my patience is thinning. Must get back to beefing up the novel.

Faith

They prayed for me today, the bible group. I don't go, but my friend tells them of my troubles and she tells me they pray for me. I think faith is a wonderful thing, it must be great to know there is some great powerful being out there, but alas I lost my faith.
When I was a child I would drink the wine, eat the bread and confess my sins. My sins are now far greater and I carry their weight myself. If I can't forgive myself what good is gods forgiveness?
My reasons are my own, be tolerant please.
When I was a child I was told that god created everything and if something happened it was gods will, this is a rather Calvinist approach and it's hard to accept when you see children dying. If god controls everything what of choice, is it a myth? I was also told suicidals go to hell, so a few of my old friends are riving in agony right now. Most everyone I went to school with is dead now, it's quite strange I think, they were all so young. Does god punish the wicked, I was told he does. I now refuse to believe this, man punishes man everything else is an accident or a tragedy. I couldn't believe that, with all the misfortunes that keep befalling me, that would suggest I'd deserved them, I know I don't, not to that extent and I could not blame god for them either. It's easier to see them as accidents. I don't believe that god has any control over any of us, I see free will, what we do we choose to do and we may be judged by our acts later.
I used to sing in the church choir, now I play the Doug Anthony Allstars to Christians.
I love faith, I've lost faith, how do I get it back?
How can I believe in something that does nothing?
I know the bible cover to cover, and the Koran, both good books, neither one was written by spiritual being, they were all written by man, and it is in mans nature to be corrupt whether he wish it or not.
I wonder, can god save you from yourself?
I respect people who pray, I admire them, at times I even envy them, but I will not be one of them again.