Children's 'Quality' Viewing

Allow me to introduce you to the modern day menace plaguing our society, a fiend so devious; you don't even know it's there. There is no creature more despicable, more odious than it, there is no scheme it wont concoct, no depravity it wont commit, it has no distinctive gender, no legs, no voice, and is known only as Brum. You may laugh now, but hear me out and I think you will find my points well justified. Have you ever sat down to watch this tripe? I accidentally sat down the other day to watch some decent programming, but instead I found Brum. Brum is a car so small that only a child could fit into it and yet it has the power to pull a 20ft boat that is going full throttle in the other direction, and don't even ask how the hell a car can be in the water, let alone on a surfboard and not sink, because it's just not possible, now I've heard of miracles, but even Ripley wouldn't buy that one. Brum must live in the centre of a crime wave, everyday he seems to be saving someone, or freeing the world from total damnation, and if that isn't enough, have you noticed how idiotic his adversaries are? I've met babies with higher IQ's. These so-called 'bad guys' are so incompetent, it's amazing they've managed to learn how to walk, let alone break the law. I can only assume this show is filmed in a place where intellect is hard to find. Only one thing can be deduced from this; the criminals are in actual fact, Brum's henchmen, making brum the master criminal. This minute sized menace can reach massive speed limits and has never, to anyone's knowledge, had to stop for fuel. Through all these things, this evil genius still manages to hold the gullible public in the palm of his hand… err or glove box as the case may be. Brum the malevolent has mislead us all, but it's not too late, we must take action now to rid this pint sized pest from our screens, we must unmask this vile villain for what it is, a terror to us all. Even as I type this, I know that Brum may be lurking around any corner trying to stop me from revealing this devastating news to the public, but I believe that the people have a right to know, and so help me, I am willing to give my life to make sure that the ***gun shot fired***…