I still see her

I saw her today. In the same place I've always seen her, but I knew she wasn't really there. It was my own eyes deceiving me, conspiring with my memory to show me visions of the past. I wish it were real. How I'd love to see her standing before me just as she once was, but I know that cannot be. I watched her die, watched her suffer, watched her fade away, and I knew there was nothing I could do. She was my dearest friend and I never told her. I couldn't bear to face her death, I couldn't let her be taken from me, but I couldn't stop it either. I was mean, I was cruel, I was downright hateful, but she took it all in her stride. Never once failing to be there when I needed her. It’s true what they say; you never truly know the value of something until it's taken from you. She was my one solid object in a sea of instability. I'm sure she knew I loved her, but I still wish I'd told her when I had the chance.