Essence of Wet Dog

Wet dog. I know what the smell is in my room; it is essence of wet dog. I don't know where it came from, it just showed up one day and now I cant seem to get rid of it. I may have even grown accustomed. I barely notice it now, but late at night when the world has gone to bed and all I can hear are the crickets singing to each other, I get to thinking about that smell. I open the window, stare up at the stars and let the wind blow in my hair while I dream of the possibilities acquainted with that smell. I used to own a dog, several actually. They all died, I have had many a friend die over the years, but I don't miss them quite as much as I do my dogs. Is that bad? The last dog I had was a pup when I got her, the runt of the litter, she ran over to me and cocked her head to the side, such a beautiful little thing. We grew up together her and I, heck, I even named her. Now and then I go out to my backyard. There is no dog waiting to chew my heels, no one to forgive me all the mistakes I make, no one to love me unconditionally forever. Babies love you unconditionally, but they grow up, whereas a dogs love and loyalty is forever, even when you don't deserve it. She never once crossed me, but it was I who trained her, we never could master fetch though, her mouth was too small to pick up anything. I wasn't there when she died. She was alone. My best friend in the world died alone. She forgave me everything, and I wonder if she forgave me that as well. I hate myself for not being there, I know you're saying its just a dog, get over it, and don't take me for one of those people that treats pets like humans cause Im not. I want to get another dog, but I know it wont be the same, I'm well and truly an adult and I have little time to spare these days, but I miss those days floating around in the pool, me on one float, the dog on the other. Have the dog eat the food fresh off the Barbie then jump in the pool because the food was too bloody hot. Sitting down on a hot Sunday afternoon talking having the dog listen contently, talking to myself just isn't the same. I don't go out the back much anymore, its just too empty. When I think of these things I also think of all the horrible things I did growing up, I did not deserve her for a pet. She never got the love and loyalty she gave to me. Oh to be young again. Perhaps that is why I dont mind the smell, it brings back memories of my youth, memories I thought I had lost. I remember my other two dogs as well, they died young, one got hit by a car, I never saw it, but I'm told it was not a pretty sight, my other dog, which I'd also named died on Christmas day. I was with her. I held her paw and I said good-bye. Somehow I managed to forgive my father for poisoning her.
Now as I lay in the darkness, not a sound of civilisation can be heard, just the crickets and the wind gently blowing that breeze around my room. I close my eyes and I can see them, all three of my pups, back in their prime running and playing on my bedroom floor and looking at me with complete devotion. Perhaps thats where the smell comes from; a dream made up of a memory of innocence and youth.